xFrayedSenses

2007-05-07T01:37:00.000-07:00

went coffee bean to meet amos and kelvin. waited for crystal to come to join me and amos for dinner. chatted with kelvin abt what i'm doing and stuffs. he commented that i changed alot. it's like they saw me grow up, from a small girl to now. ha. know them for like 6 years alrdy. been ages since i last saw kelvin okay! he has changed quite alot too. (: well, its really great to meet up with old friends and to catch up.

had jack's place with amos and ker. kelvin had to meet his gf so he didnt have dinner with us. jack's place was SUPER filling. had ribeye steak. shiokadoo! ha. i think it's really hard to find a bro like amos. though not blood related but he cares for me and ker just like a real brother. (: love to hang out with him. we can really talk about almost everything.

after dinner, rushed home to meet jadee. she brought her puppy over to make friends with my poopoo. haha. in the end, failed! lol. poopoo was way bigger sized then her puppy maltese. mum came back after a while and poor little poopoo got a scolding from mum cos he happily pee on the sofa. ya, den jadee left for home.

just hanged up the phone with my love. he was asking me to download depeche mode songs. so downloaded alr. so far, i only liked one of their songs. ha. all so emo. -.- now i know my dear likes emo songs. he sounded bored talking to me, but he claims he's not bored. i can feel it... maybe i'm thinking too much again.. he was busy with work i guess. (: i really want to tell him how much i love him but afraid if i show too much love, he'll take it for granted. ARGH! i am really going crazy okay! he's really the kind i've always wanted. all i've ever wanted to find in a guy, he has it. but tooo bad, he cant be mine always. =/ owells, i'll be happy enough that he holds a part in my memories if we break up. it wont last forever also so i'm all prepared for the worst.

okok. i gotta go bathe alrdy. my love might be calling me back. so i better go get my bath first

2007-05-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

just woke up, went viva yesterday for drinks with edmund, played dice and i kept laughing. madness! he was like tipsy and acting cute. haha. first time i see him so mad. didnt go M.O.S in the end. felt so dua-ed. but its okay la, at least i had my love to pei me. hehs. we were unexpectingly wearing the same color yesterday. haha. except that his was stripy. (: went for supper-breakfast(?) with him after viva. as usual, i din eat. den he sent me home, chatted on the phone till 6 den went to sleep.

today wont be able to see him. ): -pouts- meeting amos bro for dinner later. was suppose to meet wenwei for mj today but cancelled.

okay, i'm bored.. shall blog again ltr or smth.. ciaos~

2007-05-05T16:33:00.000-07:00

spent time with my love this morning 4am till like 11am. (: i just love it when i can spend so much time with him. if only i can like spend so much time with him like everyday. =/ sometimes i really hate it when we have to be like so distant in viva. i dont understand why.. even when i'm not working. the feeling sucks okay! maybe cos cannot let customers see la hor? guess i should really get used to it. maybe when i'm not working there already then we wont be this way. MAYBE. if he still stays so distant, i'll surely ask him and expect an acceptable answer. haha. even if it's not acceptable, i think i'll accept also lorr. =x i've decided to not be so sensitive. why should i get worked up when he gets close to girls or when girls get close to him? right? i shouldnt be this way. i should really put some trust in him. really should. if he wants to leave me or do anything behind my back den its up to him. this way i can see if he's true or not. no point controlling him or whatsoever cos i'm in no position to do so. so i've decided to just rest my mind and stop thinking too much.

owells, meeting ker and kervon for MJ! great. finally mj. cant wait! that ker is like taking years to come. -.-

meeting twinnie after mj to M.O.S. been ages since i last clubbed with her. wooh~ might be dropping by viva for drinks before heading to M.O.S. (:

okay, gtg. shall blog agn tmr. (: ta~

2007-05-04T18:35:00.000-07:00

sometimes i really wonder if you're true to me. i just cant seem to trust you totally. can you pls make me try to trust you? ya, i might think too much at times but its only because i love you. ):

well, poopoo got a grooming session this morning. now he's BOTAK! haha. so cute okay. so much more active now. will post up pics when mum is back with the cam. (:

slacked home the whole afternoon today. was supposed to go for training but i guess manager was busy,

owells, will blog again tonight or maybe tmr. bye!

2007-05-04T00:46:00.000-07:00

venn, carrie, jeralyn came over my place after viva yesterday. wanted to play mahjong but.... jeralyn din wan to so we just bitched about people. =x but its funny how me and my love can always bitch about people and things. i feel so connected with him. really connected. okay, enough about him. hehs. we girls said whatever we felt about each other since the day we know each other. i told them abt this thing which got me so worked up at viva yesterday. wah lau eh~ i was freaking pissed. "get your hands off my man". owells, we chatted about almost everything. played 5-10 and drank my whole bottle of bailey's. woke up with a freaking shitty hangover today. drank alot yesterday okay! i happened to get 2 customers to open martell. ha. oh ya, back to the topic. it was fun having them over at my place. (: i got a shocked when i found out carrie and jeralyn plays o2jam also! they play so much better den me okay! i was like S-H-O-C-K-E-D. their levels also all damn high alrdy. compared to mine. mine's only like 12? theirs are like 30 and above.. i better practice more. haha. so okay, they went back at 7 in the morning. would love them to come over more often so we can continue bitching again. ha.

got a dog today. super cute and miraculously obedient. never even hear it bark once. and totally different from queenie. bro decided to call it poopoo. haha. sounds like shit. haha. but cute name la hor? guess bro got it from the paris hilton's "pledge this" show. bought the dvd. the show is like so damn nice. should have called it gamsie instead. wanted to get a mini schnauzer but i guess not for now since i've already got this little cute one. i seriously dont know the breed. seems like a mixed but amazingly cute. mum's friend gave it to us cos she din have time for it since she already has like 3 dogs and she got it from another friend. so it's like we dont even know the age. but still quite young. maybe reaching one year old. so happy today! DOPE! my little poopoo fell asleep in my arms and i took a pic of it. SO SO SO lovely. whole family loves it. mum never dared to carry a dog in her arms but this dog, she hugged it like mad. so lovable. awww~ totally looks like a stuff toy. i'm gonna dote on it like my own child. whooo~ love it.

my legs keep getting the numb feeling. so irritating. and i unknowingly got 3 blue blacks on my legs. so ugly pls! oh and i went for my check up today, doctor said everything's fine. (: great. i know i'm strong.

just finished talking to my love. it's funny why today i dont have the urge to see him. =x maybe cos i'm keeping myself busy with my dog. ha. no no, it's not that my dog's more important. this kind of things cannot compare one ma. haha. but obviously, i look forward to hearing his voice every second. might be staying home again tmr. means maybe wont be seeing him. MIGHT BE only~. but tmr's a friday. it's our outing day. well, see if he wants to come over to my place to fetch me anot lorr. LOL. i seriously need to save money. running out of cash already. -pouts-

well, think i gotta stop here for today. time for bed. tomorrow gotta bring little poopoo for grooming. will post pics of it tmr after grooming. (:

2007-05-02T16:35:00.000-07:00

just got up from my comfy bed. (: slept late yesterday, was supposed to go get my rest at 12 plus but my love called. hehs. called me out in a very cute way.

my love: "I dont know want to continue working or go out for tea.. "

me: "if go for tea, go with who?"

my love: "most probably jolin tsai or fann wong, must see they free anot."

me: "whatever?!~"

my love: "but jolin have to take hours to come."

me: (i joined in with his nonsense)" den fann wong leh? she in singapore ma."

my love: " i must call her manager to check out her schedule, she very busy these days."

me: " HAHA! den how? "

my love: " must see if somebody willing to go with me for tea anot lor."

me: " who?"

my love: "someone lor"

me: (wanted to end his nonsense and meet up with him)"i'm always willing to go for tea with you if you want.. hehs. "

my love: "okay, go get ready and come down."

me: " SO FAST?! you never even ask me if i want to go for tea anot... what if i said i very tired? "

my love: "at the most, i turn back and go home and drink tea on my own lor"

me: " haha. okay okay, i go get ready. "

**end of conversation.
oh my god, tell me he's the best! ha. i so wanted to see him and ta-duh~ without me knowing he came to look for me. it's like he could read me. so we met for tea and chatted till 2 den he went back home. talked abt lesbians and gays. haha. what a topic right? lol. and i asked him to say "my prawn mee got problem" in chinese. he laughed but din say! if he said it, it'll be even funnier. den he asked me some chim chinese riddle joke thing but i didnt understand. -.- well, seeing him makes my day! foooo~ totally in love~

alright. gotta join bro and bro's gf for mahjong online already. haha. bye!

2007-05-01T22:04:00.000-07:00

towning was dope today. though not much time for me to walk. had NYDC with my beloved twinnie. bitched and gossiped about people (as usual). i just love talking and crapping with her la pls! used to have so much fun when she was staying over at my place. laughing all the time.

cab-ed to 85 market to meet dad, bro and his gf for dad's dinner birthday celebration. though it wasnt a nice place to celebrate, we had fun eating. played guess the number to finish up the rice cos we were way too full to finish it. haha. bro gf's idea. really happy to see dad smile. told them some stupid riddle joke. SUPER funny okay! got it from twinnie. haha. try saying "my prawn mee got problem" in chinese. i laughed like mad okay!

well, after dinner, we headed home. time to cut dad's cake, sang bdae and blah blah.. den now i'm here doing nothing. ha. i'm gonna be a good girl today. gonna get myself some really good sleep.

i feel really weird not seeing my love for a day. madness! i better not be so sticky. but i really miss him! ): i better get used to not seeing him so often. it's starting to become a habit. hehs.

alright. time for my beauty sleep. super tired.

2007-05-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!
well, today's my dad's birthday. bringing him out for dinner later with bro. (:

i'm supposed to go get ready to meet twinnie like now? haha. but since this morning i had this urge to blog and let out my frustrations? i dont know myself either, is it counted frustrations? ha.

yesterday pei-ed my love in his car to rest cause he was like drunk. -.- i watched him sleep from 5am to 7am. Like how cool right? unexpectedly, i had the patience to wait for 2 bloody hours. so not me. ha. the power of love.

fuck, i hate soccer, betting. WHATEVER, i hate gambling now. fucking hurts me to see him so fuck damn worried and stressed up. he's always ALWAYS asking me dont worry. FUCK LAH, how to dont worry when i see you so freaking stressed. gosh. i hope all this will be better soon. pls! really hurts me to see him in this way.

well, thought abt our relationship yesterday while waiting for him to get up. you know what? i've decided to just stick with him, i dont care if he's married or whatsoever. yes, maybe some people might go around thinking or telling others i'm a slut, i come in between a marriage and am a so-called mistress or smth.. you think i give a damn? i really dont give a fuck damn about what people may think or say about me. i may be heartless to not think about what the wife will think, or can i say it's not that i really dont bother, is that i just love him THAT much. i know whats in store, but i really cant say much more. i've fallen, yes fallen deeply in love with him. (: i love him and thats it. PERIOD

gotta go rush and get ready before twinnie gets naggy again.

2007-04-30T16:42:00.000-07:00

trip to km8 cancelled. ): pouts. now i'm like super bored.. everybody's like telling me, go study go study. its a good thing la but now exam period = all my friends busy. sad la!

well, means no pictures will be up yet. maybe after tmr? meeting twinnie. lets just hope she will confirm meet me tmr. (: cant wait to go towning with her.

k la, i think i better go find things to do before i really go crazy staying home.
its all in the mind.

ciaos~

2007-04-30T02:56:00.000-07:00

went 97 (the C.A.N.TO kind-of place) with my love and a group of viva people yesterday. didnt even touch a sip of alcohol at all okay! i was so tempted but na-ah~ no alcohol for 2 weeks means 2 weeks! (i know i'm a good girl). haha. my love drank like crazy. he just happily drink and drink. but miraculously, he wasnt VERY drunk.

well, the songs there werent that good but my love and i had fun discriminating, criticising and gossiping abt people. ha. we saw people with those really 80s kind of hair and dressing. even the way people dance also makes us laugh like crazy. lol. its funny how people can just make a fool out of themselves. oh ya, there was this guy who was wearing some totally tight fitting short berms(totally OH MY GOD!). whats wrong with all these people?! haha. no sense of dressing. eeewww PLS! and ya, another funnier thing, on the stage was this he-she who was shaking his head like mad! bet that he-she's on ~~ecstasy~~. happily shaking her head like nobodys business. SO FUNNY OKAY! and if its a pretty he-she still okay. the he-she had a freaking MOUSTACHE! though i couldnt see clearly from far but i could see it's not those kind of short moustache but those totally OBVIOUS kind. -.- okay, i sound mean but it's normal right?

the rest of the group were happily dancing. i dont understand how they can enjoy the music also. ha. my love and i just kept sticking to each other. lol. one of those from our group told him that he very "xian mu(in chinese)" us. =x i was like "really?", then my love hugged me tighter den said "of course". HAHA. awww~ i felt so loved pls! the feeling was DOPE! finally our relationship doesnt seem in the dark anymore. YIPEE! but i still have to know what to do when i'm at work. obviously, i will. ha. so during work, we'll be like boss and staff. but i'm fine with it. cos as long as i know he's mine(though not totally) would be enough. he told me i caught his heart so i guess i need not worry anymore. sometimes i feel i really worry too much.

the songs there din really make me wanna move but at least they had some rnbs in between their technos, canto songs and trance. danced a little. but din have the "form" to. -.- obviously becos i din drink. technos bring back memories. and their technos were once my favourites when i was 12-13. [KER, REMEMBER VALVES? HAHA!]

okok. enough of the 97 stuff.
going KM8 with ker and clique for der's birthday tomorrow. pictures will soon be up. haven been taking pics this days. promise there'll be pics up real soon!

gtg get some rest already. if not tmr i cant get up in time. so ciaos~

gonna miss my love. ): -pouts-

2007-04-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

yes, i've been a really good girl. stayed home again today. went out for a while in the afternoon to get my mum and myself lunch. and maybe going out later to viva. heh. =x maybe not that good girl afterall. but i really cant stand staying at home anymore. i can just go crazy pls! i feel so isolated.

well, watched britney's movie just now. so nice okay! she was like so innocent when she had first came out to the media world. ha. her song "I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman", super suit me. i know its like so long already but it really represents me. i admit i'm still a girl and i'm still trying to find the woman in me. (:

okay, my english doesnt sound right today. haha. whatever.~

my love came to find me yesterday and like i expected, he was DRUNK! but i can understand la. i know what he's going thru now. its normal for a troubled person to get drunk. i tried to comfort him but i'm seriously not a good comforter. he keeps asking me not to worry. LIKE HOW TO LAH?! looking at him so troubled makes it so heartbreaking. well, i was really happy that he came to find me yesterday. as in really happy. (: heh. i felt so nice in his arms. awww~
i really hope he'll be happier soon. he'll get what he wants this year, and i'm sure about it.

alright alright, i gotta go prepare to go out alr.

2007-04-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

stayed home the whole freaking day and gorged myself with food. every minute i think about all the different types of food and keep making myself feel hungry. i cant wait to get myself some nice lunch or dinner. now i have to keep eating home cooked food. i want to eat the new oriental chicken thing from KFC like now! -.- i keep seeing the ad. goodness, I WANT TO EAT GOOD FOOD! i just have to like tolerate for another week of no COLD DRINKS and no good food as well as my favourite food.

owells, my love's coming over later to see me. GREAT! i miss him like tons pls!! haven been seeing him for 2 days. k la, gotta go play my o2 jam while waiting for him.

CIAOS~

2007-04-26T23:36:00.000-07:00

wooooo~just hanged up the phone with my love. cant stand him and his self praising. LMAO. he's always always there to cheer me up and to make me not bored. i felt so dead bored before he called. now, i cant stop smiling. its funny how he can really make me love him so much. fuck man, i'm really going bonkers.

we were chatting about almost everything. ha. he was telling me if i slim down a little more, i'll look damn hot and gorgeous even though i am already but i'll be even better looking. hehs. i felt so proud. =p yes yes, i know i'm irresistable in his eyes. haha. shiat, i sound so bitchy all of a sudden. and he was saying he always wan me to find the best for myself, like if i find a better guy, he'll be sad but he'll be glad to let go. when i heard that i was like... awwww~ den i told him about this stupid dream i had yesterday, i told him i was really worried that he'll leave me for another girl then he said he doubts he will but he's even more worried i'll leave him soon cos he's aware of my long queue. haha. =x owells, i will leave if i find someone better of course but the question is "will i?". he's just so special. i do agree he doesnt have the best of looks but its just his character and all about him. he's the type of guy i've been wanting to have.

he asked me whether i'm mentally prepared again. always asking the same question. i told him, "if i'm not, i wont be speaking to you now.". ha.

okay. this whole freaking blog is about him. i just wanna let everyone know how wonderful my bf is. haha!

ciaos

2007-04-26T20:46:00.000-07:00

finally got a burden off my head. like really FINALLY! though i dont feel really good about it but it's better this way, i guess. i've never felt so much love from my family for so long. it's really heartwarming to know that i have my family's care and concern. everytime i think of it, it warms my heart and makes me really feel like crying. i really cant think of a way to thank them enough. i've given them problems since young and after this experience, i think i should really wake up and learn from this mistake. i've always been the little princess at home, making everyone so worried for me. i've never made them proud of me in my whole life before. but it's still never too late. "mum, rendy kor, rough kor, shermaine jie, da sao, i've learnt from this big mistake i've made and will prove that i can make it through my future by myself. i'm really very grateful for the love and care you guys have shown me. i'm really very very grateful. i wont let any one of you worry ever again. (: I LOVE YOU!" action speaks louder den words so.. WAIT AND SEE! (: heh.

asked my 2nd brother's gf to help me check out on the o'lvl intake next yr. i'm not gonna give up halfway again! think i'll be going into masters and degree after my o'lvls. might be going into mass comm or maybe marketing and econs. i know everyone is just so sick of me saying this over and over again but this time, i wont let myself fail again. NEVER! i will suceed!

owells, been craving for SO many things to eat today but i'm so restricted from eating everything. i had to force pork liver down my throat today. and the mee sua was so plain pls. all i had for lunch was mee sua with pork liver and pork. lucky its gonna be only for a meal. but i still have to force pork liver down my throat for the next one week. i've never ever eaten pork liver since young. once i taste it, i'd wan to vomit but well, i have no choice. my 2nd brother just went down to get food for me. (: i'm dead hungry pls!

oh ya, met up with dearest twinnie and my little short bitch yesterday. they came up to my place. how sweet right? heh. twinnie changed so muchh!!!!! she keep talking about studying nowadays. -.- it's a good thing la but so UNBELIEVABLE! ha. and i'm glad ker found her right(?) one. haha. they're like so cute together!

okay, my love called after i finished my op. i guess he was busy so din really talk much. cant ask for much also ma hor? but he like dont really care leh! -pouts- maybe really cos he was busy la. but he called yesterday when i told him i very scared to go for the op. den while he was working, he accompanied me on the phone. well, i guess he doesnt know how to show much care. he kept telling me he's not in a position to control what i do but i dont mind. i really dont mind. i seem so distant from him. bo bian, my boss ma. haha. oh, dear promised a mini schnauzer for my bdae. WHEE! but my bdae is so far away..

my blog is really boring. yes yes, twinnie's out = MUCH MORE pics!

finally voiced out to "her" that i'm with him. felt so much better. though she said its okay, but i could feel the hurt inside her. i feel so bad. but somethings just cant be controlled nor forced right? since they've been friends for so long already. i din become a third party between them either. but i felt bad cos i actually know she still loves him deeply and i kept our relationship from her. owells, now everything's settled and i hope she'll move on. i know my position. and am ready and mentally prepared for the worse. (:

2007-04-20T18:20:00.000-07:00

i'm so full of energy today! just woke up feeling so energetic. and guess what?!, twinnie's out! my goooooodnesss, i cant wait to see her pls! been waiting for this day to come. she's supposed to meet me today but i just cant contact her. damn!

yesterday was a really tiring day for me. went home early from work and slept all the way in the cab till home. even while i was walking and going up the lift, my eyes were almost closed. when i reached home, the first thing i did was lie on my comfy bed and totally went DEAD. ha. i've never felt so tired for so darned long. and i loved the feeling when i lied on my bed.

outing with my love tonight. cant wait. i wanna go club with him. dance and get high with him. =x haha. i'm mad. he has been treating me really nice these days. love it. and i think almost everyone knows i'm with him already. its not really a good news.. we're supposed to keep a really low profile. but WHO CARES?! ha. i love him and thats it.

owells, havent been meeting ker for almost a week? that short bitch forever so heartless! =x ha. or maybe is cos i'm always working or sleeping. hehs.

i havent been mj-ing for like SO SO SO long. damn! mj? anyone?!

arghh! i wanna go out like now but everyone seems so busy. =/

okay, time for dinner. CHAOS~

2007-04-15T17:54:00.000-07:00

oh god, i feel so weird without ciggarettes now. -.- came back this morning only to realise i left my ciggys in his office. and my whole family's not around! if at least one of them is at home, i'll still be able to smoke. ha. a family of smokers, gamblers(not heavy ones) and drinkers but of course none of my family members are hooligans nor gangsters. cool family right? lol.

was supposed to meet ker and the rest this morning for sun-bathing. but i couldnt get up. ): spent the whole morning with my love. hehs. its really nice to lie in his arms and chat about almost everything. (: i just love being with him.

owells, just finished chatting with jadee. she bought a maltese. -envy- i wanna get a schnauzer too. goodness! fine, i'm gonna aim for a puppy schnauzer. aim for this year = get a miniature schnauzer.

finally, father's back. got a pack of ciggs from him. hah. (: okay, i'm feeling really hungry now, i better go get some food. shall continue blogging later.

toodles~

2007-04-12T17:09:00.000-07:00

been feeling rather sleepless this days. dont know why also. keep waking up early in the afternoon, and cant get back to sleep after that. just cant seem to get exact 8 hours of sleep.

went k-box with some friends till 6am this morning and drank quite alot. actually wanted to head home straight from work but just suddenly changed my mind. din drink during work yesterday also. and for the whole week, i cant be drinking during work. ): well, guess i'll take it as a break. drinking everyday aint good for me either.

was supposed to go out with him to meet his hongkie friends for lunch but he didnt get up so din meet up in the end. =/ owells, i feel its hard for him to find time for me. sometimes i get really frustrated over this but guess i'll have to get used to it. for the past one month, he hasnt been spending much time with me. bet he doesnt even realise it. i've been really patient with him, never showed him temper before. maybe cos seeing him just takes all the anger away. (: i've never been this way before. its like so not me when it comes to relationships.
i just hope things will get better as time passes.

2007-04-08T01:56:00.000-07:00

my love's back from his trip. (: i was so happy to recieve his phone call when he reached sg. was in my room with ker and the rest den he called. i straightaway jumped up from my chair and ran into my bro's room to ans his call. ha. its funny how i can really go mad over him. lol. he sent me home after work yesterday. as usual, talked about lots of stuffs. talked about what i did or went during his absence. hehs. sweet stuffs he said to make me smile. loved the way he held my hand. (: he even asked me, am i okay with the way he treats me? i hesitated for quite long before answering. i just said, everything's fine but just that he makes me miss him too much. ha. his reply was, "that's my ulterior motive". so fine, i'll just continue going crazy over missing him. (:

nothing is forever. all this sweetness will all end someday. i just pray it wont end so soon. (:

owells, i spent the whole day at home today. (: playing O2 the whole evening den watched tv and kept eating! ate around 1/4 of my tub ice cream. just couldnt stop my mouth from eating. think i'm gonna put on another 3 kg already. =(

ya, yesterday work was T-I-R-I-N-G. i din get to sit for more then half an hour. there were just too many customers and too little staffs. and so many people just want to irritate me. i was damn pissed yesterday at work. i kept frowning. ha. bet i must have made some bad impressions. =x i was scolding vulgarities when some drunkard nearly made me fall. i behaved like some hooligan. shiat! must have spoiled my image. -pouts- well, i guess its not gonna happen again. heh. oh ya, and i freaking threw my fav watch away. ): REGRETS! guess ker was right when she asked me not to wear that watch. ha.

alrights, gotta go for more O2 jamming.

ciaos~

2007-04-06T03:05:00.000-07:00

left work early today. wasnt feeling very good. chatted with frederick abt some stuffs. somehow the topic we were at, kinda got me feeling upset. there is something i cant go around telling people abt. and its really troubling me. dunno why suddenly i feel so down. its not abt my relationship.. i really need to cry out to someone. but i cant bring myself to break down in front of my friends. i dont wan anyone to worry too much abt me. but it really kills to keep this pain to myself. sigh. yes, i may seem happy every single day cos i wan to be happy and not let myself think too much. but today i just cant control my emotions. decided to leave work early cos i was afraid i'd just break down in front of everyone..

even my relationship doesnt seem right. i tend to think too much. sometimes i really wish i know what he's thinking or what he really feels. i just have too much doubts. tried to put it away but it aint that easy. i find it hard to trust him totally. not that i dont wan to. i'm just afraid i'll go through another heartache. maybe time will tell, I HOPE. he already gave me many chances to think whether i really wan this relationship to work out. i chose the answer yes so i'll just accept it. no regrets. all i wish for now, in this relationship is for him to show a little more love. its not too much to ask for, is it?

alright, i shall stop being emo. was supposed to get my beauty sleep but cant get to sleep cos i feel i really needed to pour out some thoughts. owells, now i feel a little better. i seriously need to get more sleep. havent been sleeping well nowadays. plus i gotta go town with ker and group tmr. so i guess i'll just end here for now.

Good Night Peeps.

2007-04-05T14:29:00.000-07:00

went geographer 2 days ago. first time there and the place sucks! -.- not my kind of music. as for the live band, i still prefer babyface's old liveband. ha. maybe cos me and my friends know the thai singers at babyface last time. they're the best! hehs. i doubt i'll go geographer again. DAMN boring pls! maybe i wont even club anymore. clubbing is like out. so sick and tired of clubbing already. been clubbing since 13.. if i say i wont get sick of clubbing, its a lie. ha. i rather just find a nice relaxing lounge to just sit and chill. so much more better then squeezing through crowds. if i need to dance, i rather just go for dance classes. or maybe even just dance in front of my mirror. LOL. thats what me and ker always do. maybe once in a while go clubbing still okay. unlike last time, clubbing was every weds, fri and sat. ha.

owells, yesterday work was very relaxing. only a few tables around. kept singing songs to past time. then bell came to find me for a while. like finally! been ages since i saw her. she finally remembers that she has a jiemei. ha.

alrights. i shall blog again tmr. nothing much to blog.. going to meet ker for dinner later. so i better go get ready.

toodles~

2007-04-04T04:29:00.000-07:00

i woke up feeling really emotional. suddenly miss my love so much. wont be able to see him until 7th. gonna miss his calls, his crappiness, his cold jokes, his lovely kisses. he's gonna be flying really often. SADNESS! what to do,,, he's a busy man. anyways, i'm prepared for it ever since the day we got together. i know he wont have much time for me, cos i know i wont have time for him either. sticking to my bf is not my kind-of-thing. (: even if he goes missing for months, i reckon that i wont go crazy. ha. MAYBE only la. lol. Contradicting. Oh goodness, i miss his voice. usually at this time, he'll give me a call to check if i'm awake alrdy not. BUT he's away! -pouts-

okay, enough of talking about him. ha. (: yesterday i managed to get stomp the yard's dvd, FINALLY! gonna watch it later before i head to work. i wanted to catch the show in the movies but... in the end, never watch. its okay, cos watching at home aint that bad either. cos my home has the surround sound thing.

feel like ordering pizza hut for dinner today. suddenly have this huge craving for pizza hut but FATTENING! i think i'm gaining back weight again. i better do more exercise before i really gain weight again. it took me such a long time to lose my fats. hehs.

alrights. i think i'll end here for today. i think my blog seems kinda boring today. and my english standard seems to have dropped. I better start to read books again. (:

TOODLES~

2007-04-03T00:53:00.000-07:00

just finished mahjong-ing with my brother, his gf and ker again. ha. i'm like a total addict to mahjong now. (:

stayed over at dee's place yesterday. played a round of mahjong den headed to bed. woke up at like 3pm den went for dinner with dee. had pepper lunch. i'm getting so sick of it. the jadee can seriously eat pepper lunch everyday and doesnt get sick of it. "Dee, thanks for being there for me whenever i needed you.". (: sweetness!

sheesh, i miss the japanese restaurant my customer brought me to 2 - 3 months ago. i tell you, its the best japanese food i've ever consumed in my life. just a slice of salmon belly costs like 20 bucks. madness. and its just a THIN slice. goodness! i think if anyone tries that restaurant will get sick of sakae sushi. sakae sushi is just like japanese fast food. ha.

i cant wait for my next pay day. i'm like broke pls! never felt so broke for such a long time alr. i better take train to work for this whole week. gotta save money for some things.

whee, he finally called me after hours of waiting for his call. (: -loves- guess i'll try my best to try to trust him. ha. just hope he wont betray my trust. even if he does, i doubt i'll blame him for long. there's not a need to quarrel over small things. hehs. this totally doesnt sound like me. guess i've grown up. =D

alrights. shall blog again tmr in the afternoon. maybe update the hongkong trip post. cos i'm like so lazy now. ha.

nights peeps! (:

2007-04-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

woohoo! i'm in a very very good mood today. heh. oh my god, my darling was so darned sweet yesterday. if only he can be like that everyday. i'm happy that he actually shares his thoughts with me. and tell me things that really made me feel so loved. i do admit i still have my doubts but maybe i should set it all aside and stop worrying. he even said words that has NEVER EVER came out from his mouth. so unbelievable. maybe cos he was kinda tipsy. but they always say a drunkard speaks from the heart. heh. i cant stop replaying what he said in my mind. just makes me smile at the thought of it. ha. YES, i'm in love! =x (again) LOL.

owells, had a game of mj yesterday with ker, zen and rach.. i lost. how sad right? =/ ha. but it was just a friendly match la. we din bet. wanted to but in the end, didnt. anyways, today i'm going for another mj session again with another group of friends. i'm like using mj to pass my time nowadays. love it.

oh ya, will post my other days of hongkong trip some other days. dont have the time now. all dedicated to MJ. ha.

will be back soon.
ciao~

2007-03-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

"Someone who is in authority right now might not be the person you would have chosen for the big boss chair, but the fact remains that she or he is in charge -- and you have to deal with it. The sooner you set aside any resentment or doubt, the better. There is a larger goal at stake here, and a bruised ego will only get in the way. Buck up and be mature. If you give this person the respect that the authority position deserves, things will become a lot more pleasant. "

got this from the horoscope thing. ha. i totally agree with it. it already happened yesterday. (: i finally got the truth from him and i'm feeling much better now. i've already set aside my doubts and confronted him and the answer is something i really liked to hear. hehs. only my close friends will know who i'm referring to.

Later zen, rach and my beloved short bitch coming over for MAHJONG! woohoo! cant wait. i'm like so addicted to mahjong. so darned addictive la pls especially when i'm a person who loves to gamble. but i dont gamble big. just small bets. (:

bought liquor from DFS when i reached sg. so i guess i'll be drinking early today. mahjong and alcohol. thats my life. ha.

i'll update my hongkong trip post soon. dont have much time to blog nowadays. will be uploading photos soon too. cos i know my blog seems like its getting boring.. hah. NOBODY IS TAGGING ME! -pouts-

owells, i have to go get ready for mahjong alr. will blog agn ltr if i have the time to. (:

CIAOS~

2007-03-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

-HONGKONG TRIP`o7

1st day:

reached the airport at like 7 in the morning.. mum was so anxious to get on the plane so me and dad were like "happily" rushing with her. hah. we had to get up in the wee hours in the morning. -.- anyways, i'm already used to it. mum never likes to be late but instead LOVES to be super early. as in really early okay! even how early we were, we still had to rush around cos mum always walks at a very fast pace. my dad, ALWAYS walks the slowest cos i got my mum's genes. ha. oh ya, my brother and his gf fetched us to the airport. took photos before we left and i look damn dead.

anyways, we reached hongkong at 1 plus in the afternoon. checked in the hotel, and SADLY, the hotel room was like the size of my living room. gosh, you can never imagine how 3 people can squeeze into one room. i accidentally deleted the small hotel room photo, wanted to post it up den i realised i deleted it.

owells, after unpacking our stuffs, we went down to look for food den walked pass this shop where the aunty was like shouting at our ears, so irritating okay! i wanted to ask her to shut up. she kept saying in cantonese, " come inside to sit, just sit. (on repeat mode).". if she spoke softly, i would happily sit and eat her food but i was just so irritated by her voice, i asked my parents to go other place to eat. wah, come to think of it, she's really too LOUD. damn! okay, so we went to eat beef noodles opposite. so nice okay! the soup was superb. i just feel like eating it agn pls!

candid shot. i was so into my food. -laughs-

so, after we had our fill, we sat for a while, puffed and my mum asked the beef noodle seller how to get to the peak. her cantonese is like superb. she speaks like one of them pls. her cantonese is equivalent to hongkies' cantonese. cos actually their cantonese is a little different from how singaporeans speak cantonese. i've always been learning to speak but i cant. -.- even though my dialect is cantonese. so failed right? haha. at least i can understand a little. back to the topic, the beef noodle seller then told us how to get to the peak. so we headed to take the MTR. we had to take a tram up to the peak so we went to the tram station and there were tons and tons of people! i was thinking. "do i have to wait so long!?". but in the end we took the fast lane one, cos we bought the package for madame tussauds(place where all the wax figurines are). loved the ride up to the peak. it was like a roller coaster just that its slower. damn steep, i tell you. its scarier then taking a cable car. ha. so, reached and we went up to madame tussauds to take photos.

oh ya, this is gonna be a super long post. so BE prepared.

i wont be uploading too many pics on this madame tussauds thing. too many pics alr.

-After Our trip to the peak-

shopped and walked around for food! the curry "yu dan(fishball)" is like superb! should have da bao-ed some back.. ha. i'm starting to miss the taste of it. ha. anyways, we went to "nu ren jie" and i bought quite a number of things at bargained prices. lovely! my mum is good in bargaining. the best i might say. (: i bought a bag for $150HK, they actually quoted me a price of $480HK. i saved alot pls! and the bag is so nice but kinda heavy. its like real leather. i din take pics of the things i bought cos i have more then enough photos. i only found a few necklaces, a bag and belts. they din sell much nice clothes there. maybe not my type of clothes.. after all the shopping and eating, we headed back to the hotel to rest cos we had to wake up early the next day for sightseeing.

Mum eating the yummy "yu dan".

our dinner for that day.

-2ND DAY-

woke up at 11 in the morning. den headed for the half day tour. they brought us sightseeing and it was boring but the camera man was damn cute. unfortunately i didnt take any photos of him. =/ ha. wont be blogging much abt 2nd day cos its really boring but photos will be up. (:

Mum asked me to hug this moon stone. cos she say this helps me to find a good husband. like -.-"..

Longevity Bridge?

Camouflaged in this poster thing. haha! (: mum's idea.

2007-03-22T01:46:00.001-07:00

had a great time yesterday! been ages since i ever slacked around in the afternoon. ha. was supposed to meet my bf for movie but he couldnt wake up so met up with zen for shopping and coffee. went bugis den marina square. spent like the whole freaking day walking around. bought only 2 things. -.- pathetic right? laughs.

after marina square, we went back to tampines cos she had to meet her gf. so while waiting, we went to get our hairs done. den met up with ker for dinner and STARBUCK'S! (: been ages since we last sat down and drink starbuck's together. the feeling's great la! its like a get together. ha.

ate pizza hut with ker, zen and rach. the service there was like cannot make it. we couldnt stop complaining. but overall, we had fun among ourselves. making fun of people. =x

okay, now what i'm hoping for is for a week to pass quickly!

i'm getting so much fairer! lucky me and zen going for tanning on sat. cant wait to have another fun day out! ha.

think i'll blog when i'm free again. maybe pictures in the next post. (:
ciaos~

2007-03-19T03:21:00.000-07:00

Finally, I'm back to blog. (: just had this sudden urge to blog. ha.
ya, i changed back to my older skin. i still feel this skin's nicer. and i changed the song to something i've been listening to the past whole week. the movie music and lyrics is superb pls!

changed my job again, now back into nightlife but only for now. cos i'm still under training for my new sales job. i just hope i can start my day job real soon!

mum complained abt my face getting slimmer.. i take it as a compliment. (: gotta get up early for lunch with mum tmr. -.-

i cant seem to find anything interesting to blog about these days. owells, guess life for me now is much better now. except for some personal problems. AS USUAL.

alright, i'll find time to update more often. (: gotta go get sleep alr.

Nights!

2006-12-28T23:01:00.000-08:00

boss is out of town. the whole office seems more livelier today. haha. but its really boring cos i have nothing to do now. i always clear my workload before lunch. one reason is cos i wont have to rush things if i do it after lunch. den i can go home on the dot. or maybe its cos i'm efficient. lol. i was just self-praising la. B-O-R-E-D.

went for brazilian waxing yesterday. super cheap la pls! i got half price. haha. all thanks to that voucher given from m.o.s during our company's event. i only had to pay a total of $35. U.P is $46 and plus some extra product i added, it supposed to be $56. but i only paid 35 bucks. its not exactly 50% la cos i had to pay 5% gst. ha. but worth it! fiona and i wanted to sign a package for $380 den we can go for 10 times brazilian wax. i think i'll have to wait till my finance more stable. =/ now i even have to work on weekends for myself to spend the money. sigh! will be starting to save alr. MUST. i shall quit buying liquor. haha. until i really have the money to spend. "AH-JA! amelia!" haha.

been catching one of the old korean serial dramas nowadays. super nice la.! haha. its the only thing i think of wanting to do now when i get back home.

i gotta end here alr. -.- gotta work at night again. SIGH! ciaos

2006-12-25T20:52:00.000-08:00

well, haven been blogging for days, maybe even weeks. ha. was kinda busy these days with work and celebrations. nothing exciting happened. celebrations happen every year. -.-

ya. my birthday celebration was fun. had many people to celebrate my bdae for me.(: one thing i hated was my ice cream cake was ruined! no one else got to eat the cake except me cos the whole cake was like smashed on my face. i hated it. haha. but i din get angry cos i was really too tipsy. haha. jiemei was telling me i keep saying i wan clay and lime facial foam. i think its cos earlier i went to 7-11 den saw this 2 times oil control facial foam thing. haha. my 17th bday really was the best! (: oh and, he didnt appear. just like i thought. owells, i've gotten over it anyways. -.- Bell couldnt stop reminding me he's married! well, guess her words got into my mind.

anyways, my christmas celebration sucked. quarreled with my boss and i din enjoy my christmas. =/

shal blog later or maybe tmr. workload's coming in. tata

2006-12-14T20:08:00.000-08:00

i'm freaking warm in my office. having menstrual cramps plus office NO AIRCON! i can really die here. i swear!~ office no air con cos we'll be moving office to next block alr. bigger space and i have my own space to sit. great! ha. today i have nothing to do agn. this always happens when i clear my things fast. (: so this means i'm efficient. HAHA.

5 more days to my bdae celebration. i dont know why i'm so excited. haha. cant wait to see him la! been months alr. ): i'll just hope and pray he'll appear. if not i'll end up crying like last yr agn.

i cant stand the heat! think i'll blog later or smth. need to take a smoke break. before i lose my temper.

2006-12-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

woohoo, 9 more days to my birthday. (: i'm not going to have any birthday bash. just a simple catered dinner and a whole load of alcohol. i am so going to get high. its a must to get tipsy on birthdays. hah. lets just pray i wont get drunk. (: kinda worried what if only a few of my friends appear. sigh. worries! but who cares la right. as long as i enjoy myself. it'll be oh so okay.
BUT definitely i wont be extremely happy unless he's around. which i somehow think he wont appear. well, better not too much hope. =/

i miss twinnie tons. ): life seems different without her with me. that bloody twinnie just wanna go back and never tell me. sigh.

bell has been having sleepovers at my place. been long time since i ever spent quality time with her. we spent almost the whole of last week together. great right! she's always M.I.A-ing. i'm lucky enough to spend a week with her. hah.

went wakeboarding last sun. RAYMOND was in charge of instructing us. haa. only jadee knew what i felt. LOL. he's hot i tel you. and the whole time i was sitting next to the steering wheel = next to him except for the times when i went to ride la. haha! i sound like i wanna "attract attention". no way am i an "attract attention" kind-of-person. -.- wakeboarding was fun. though the boats' engine failed us for half an hour. we had to change boats from ah di's boat to kenny's boat. its good la actually cos kennys' boat is the biggest compared to any other boats. been many months since i last took a ride on that board. i nearly forgot all my basics pls! even my in and out of wake sucked. -.- the best thing is i forgot to practise my 180. i so wan to go at the end of this month again. anyone wanna try, text me! (:

oh ya, and i'm certainly on a strict diet. for 3 days i sucessfully ate less meat and ate less. (: congratulation "Amelia"! (: -shakes hands- haha. okay, that was dumb. but whatever. ~
but of course i'm still short of time for exercising. cutting down on my meals will help a little i hope.

i've been out for the past one week. never had enough rest for so many days till yst. i slept like i never sleep before. its nice having enough sleep. i can open my eyes big enough for work today. great!

k la, gotta go. lunch time soon. i'm hungry!

CIAOS~
AM

2006-11-25T21:05:00.000-08:00

went hard rocks yesterday with twinnie and jialing. met trav's friends over there. wasnt really fun mainly cos they werent much active ppl there. most of them are there to just relax and enjoy the live band. i tell you, i felt really bored. we were actually supposed to go club at momo. but some things cocked up so we changed place. xiaoxin and the rest all went to momo cos it was steph's birthday and they all didnt wanna go hard rocks so left with me, trav and jialing.

okay, maybe not that bad la cos the live band was still okay. went home super early. me and trav went home at around 3. so early pls! lucky i had a few drinks before i went to find them if not, i'll just be so damn bored. dammit, if only i'm already 18! den i can go other places to club. but being young aint such a bad thing. at least i can still take the opportunity to learn more stuffs. (: (this is what i call contradicting.) ha.

i cant wait for my birthday pls! still got less then a month more! i cant wait! heh. i'm always feeling this way one month before my birthday. and i'm already telling everyone that my bdae's coming. haha. all of their reply was like "still got so long!" haha. not that long what. time flies! (: and my pay day's reaching! yay!

k la, i gtg. my stomach's calling me.
TOODLES~

2006-11-22T18:13:00.000-08:00

i got this from my friendster horoscope thing. "When you are faced with a challenge today, your original mind and unique sense of self-expression will put you at center stage -- and don't be surprised if your performance earns you several curtain calls. This is a new chance for you to shine and put old disappointments behind you. Get ready for a renewed sense of self, as well as a chance to finally make your mark on the world. It might not happen overnight, but it is going to happen sooner than you think."sounds nice to me. (: that's why i decided to share it here in my blog. lets hope its true la hor!

today i was late for work. i just couldnt force myself to get out from bed. getting tired of waking up so early but i have to get used to it. i'm so looking for to the weekends and next week's thurs ( pay day). i cant wait pls! so many things i need to do with the money. but another worry is i have to freaking save money for my bdae. it wont be like a big bday bash kind of thing like some other taitais la. i got no money for that pls! but at least i knw i earn my own allowance and cash. i dont splurge it on things unnecessarily and i dont depend on my parents.

well, guess i'm independent at my age?! okay look, i'm so young and yet i'm working my life away. i'm supposed to be enjoying my youth right! okay, i'll just look on the brightside, i go through a little more then others around my age. not saying i'm effing matured or whatsoever, i'm just stating the facts. though havent gone thru much education but will not let my education fail me, i believe i can sucess in other ways.

living this way aint a good thing either, i have to freaking stress on my bills, stress on whether i have enough to last me the month, stress about "i need to shop!(okay, not that impt but still!!)". i do admit i spend a little of my pocket money on liquor but its just for me to enjoy a little. at least i still got some life there. if not, i'll be like some workaholic. just work and go home then the same thing goes for 5 days every week which is impossible for me. and i tell you, i'm living in poverty right now. only for this month i think. next month maybe a little more cash flow. then january, i will be stable with my money already. i did some calculation. this month's pay will be going down to all my bad debts. which i will want to clear A.S.A.P. seriously hate to be in debts.

work's a bore today. manager not around = not much things to do. its gonna be different once i get hold of everything i need to learn. now i still have my manager to slowly teach me so its like when she's not around means not alot of things to do. when she's around, i'll have a whole bunch of work load to cover but thank god i always finish before 6. i rather be busy then just do nothing and see the time pass so slowly. i'm sure by march you wont be seeing my blogs so often already. i bet i'll have more work load then ever cos by then i reckon i'd have learned quite a number of things already and my manager will be away on maternity leave for approximately 2-3 months.

anyway, i believe i can stay in this job for quite long. cos many benefits and i've got to show that i can do it. life has changed. and i'm starting to love the way i am now. away from all the kids and troubles! (: LOVE IT~!

gtg.

2006-11-18T16:16:00.000-08:00

going club sha sha tonight. super miss tammy! must go find her no matter what. ha. now i'm super free at work. like duh~ if not i wont be blogging. okay, i sound like i'm talking to myself. WTD.. i'm bored..

my boss was super scary just now, he lost his temper and made alot of "bing-bong" noises. its normal for a boss to lose his temper but i was shocked cos when i first saw him at finz, he looks like those kind of the "wont lose temper" kind. den suddenly today i saw this. gosh. scary, i tell you. i dont dare do anything wrong. i must seriously double-check on my work and must of course, not do anything wrong. god bless!

i'm super broke this month and wont be having lots of cash next month either. anyone willing to sponsor? haha. and guess what! i only smoke like half pack of ciggs per day. what a BIG improvement right! heh. okay, maybe not a very BIG improvement la. cos if i go drinking, i'll still be smoking a pack. and another great thing is i only go drinking like twice or only thrice a week. twinnie has been nagging me all day long telling me to stop drinking so much cos one of her friend's friend got hepatitis B from drinking. but now i'm a social drinker what, i dont think it will happen to me, i hope it wont.. hah.

talking abt my twinnie, i miss her la! though i know every night she's sleeping next to me but we havent got a chance to really chat cos when she's back, i'll be asleep. oh shit! i miss her la! there was once she came back early but i was already asleep, she sent me a message saying she missed me and wanted to chat with me but so sad i was asleep. she sounded so sweet and sad in that message. when i saw the message in the morning, i woke up to give her a peck on her cheek and a big lovely hug while she's asleep. LMAO. she's just so lovable pls! but dont get the wrong idea.! she's just my twinnie. and i'd rather die den go crooked. haha.

i cant wait to get off from work, i cant wait to go drinking. i'm craving for beer. can anyone just pass this lady a beer.! a can will satisfy my needs or maybe a bottle? haha. now whoever asks me out, the only place i can think of is anywhere that has alcohol. dont even feel like drinking starbucks anymore. okok, yes i'm a lil bit of alcoholic. just that LITTLE bit okay! i better stop all these talk abt alcohol. if twinnie reads this, i'll be nagged at agn..=x

been thinking of that someone for so darned long already. why cant i just get him off my mind! SIGH. i guessed i havent really moved on. well, time will make this suffering disappear, i hope.

time to get back to work. **END**

2006-11-12T04:44:00.000-08:00

just came back from doing my nails and lunch at pizza hut. my nails got destroyed like 10 mins after i finished my nail art. so heart pain okay! all thanks to my belt, keep dropping den i have to keep putting it in place and thats when my nails got scratched. shit right! but never mind la, its free anyway. haha. my manager passed me her package. cos she doesnt wan it already.

i'll be back to blog tmr morning. going for drinks. ciaos

2006-11-10T17:19:00.000-08:00

1 more hour to knock off.. dunno if my lulu wan to go drinking anot. ): have to go have dinner first den decide. i suddenly have this craving to drink as in really strong craving okay! although yst i had some drinks at a friend's bbq. but NOT ENOUGH~ ha.

i'm really alcoholic. oh gosh! i dont wan to be a "jiu gui". heh. well work is really relaxing. for once, i dont find this job boring today cos i kept mself occupied with my own stuffs. ha. asked my friend to send me some fun online games thru email. that covered my boredom for 2 hours. the rest of today was just stare at the com. ha.

okay. i gotta go do some stuffs alr.

ciaos~

2006-11-08T01:50:00.000-08:00

still at work. another 20 more mins to head home. (: just feel like blogging to pass my time. nothing much to do again. been eating alot of sweets for the whole freaking day. and i really feel i'm putting on alot of weight. i better go home and weigh myself. ha.

i cant be blogging much for now cos someone's coming to fetch me home. (: so maybe i'll just continue blogging tonight. maybe, i said maybe. ha. lets just hope now that my dog doesnt dirty my room, PUH-LEASE! okay, i gtg already.

TATA~
am xx

2006-11-06T16:50:00.000-08:00

at work now. just finished changing my blogskin. today is a really relaxing day. like i dont even have to do much stuffs. all i did was just stick to the com and do my own personal things. ha. but time passes really slow! i cant wait to go home, i wanna go jogging with my daddy. its time for me to do some exercise after all the fattening food i've been consuming. and sitting all day long, i swear my bum is gonna get so darned big!

well, anyways i'm doing well now. much better, not much complains, been talking to my parents more often and MY BRO IS going for his R.O.M this sat. great! (: bro gets married=one more angbao. haha. =x kidding! i'm just happy for him la. after so long and at his age he should seriously get married already.

wondering whats my little queenie doing at home now. if trav isn't home, i bet she's chewing on whatever she sees in my room. and that seriously is getting me worried! she bit my bear, my favourite bear, something which i cant get to sleep without it! i was so darned frustrated, i tell you! but afterall she's a dog, i cant possibly abuse her what right!

while being so free, i cant keep my mind off someone. sigh. so wanting to drop him an sms but dont know wat to say. ): how how how! this feeling sucks big time! once i'm bored or have free time, i'll start having flashbacks on the happy moments we had together. sigh. guess i shall find other things to keep me busy for now.

i think i shall end here for today

2006-10-31T19:45:00.000-08:00

today's my first day of work in the office. i feel kinda comfortable here. lets hope i can stay in this job long. (: it's seriously boring here. super quiet. and i dont really have things to do yet. the only thing i know how to do now is ans calls. and i answered 3 calls already. i dont even understand what machines are what machines. i'm lucky i can just pass the rest to my manager. but i have to get to know which machines are which. i cant possibly keep passing the phone to my manager. hah.

i'm super hungry now. waiting for lunch time. at 12.30. super hungry la! din eat my breakfast. and i'm starting to feel sleepy. never mind. i think maybe my lunch can perk me up.

alright. i gtg. will be back to blog tonight.

2006-10-27T13:22:00.000-07:00

cant take all the shit stuffs happening in my life anymore. i want to freaking delete all my old friends from my list. all those who i think arent worthy. i swear, on the 1st. i'll start a total new life. away from all those "ah-lian" friends. GOSH. i'm so darn irritated pls! ARGH! get out of my life la pls!

good things can all come at one time and bad things can also just appear ALL at one time. i really had enough. leave me out of this shit !

DND,
AM xx

2006-10-12T11:53:00.000-07:00

finally, i decided to leave finz for good by the end of this month. i just got a job today. as an admin assistant at pictureworks(company). great prospect. a new job, a new lifestyle. the pay is considered good for a newbie like me. i've no experience in an office, excluding the times when i helped out at my ex boyfriend's mother office. 1.2k for the first 3 months(probation period) den the pay might increase if i do well during the 3 months. many people said i sure leave halfway de, but i believe i can stay there for long. cos they'll be teaching me lotsa stuffs. lots of benefits la. if i work there for one year, maybe i can get promoted. as said by my boss. the best thing is my boss was one of my customer. ha. cool right? guess finz helped me alot. even though the liquor was harming my body.

well, there are bad points also but not that bad la.. ha. i cant smoke during office hours and even if lunch time i wanna smoke, i will have to go very far. the good thing is i might be able to quit smoking. this job is gonna help me alot, i swear. in experience and knowledge and thinking, i guess. (: its gonna be kinda tough for me the first month. will be under really tight budget. sigh. i really dont know how to survive for the first month.. i need at least 20 bucks one day. for cigg and my meals. i think i might need help from the person who intro-ed me this job or maybe i have to rely on my parents(which i'm reluctant to). sigh. regret not saving my money in the past. now i have to stress on such stuffs. but its a good beginning. i learn from it.

i am really happy that i can find such a good job. friends, CONGRATULATE ME! heh. i finally found my direction to sucess in future. i guess my certs, i'll be getting it once i stable down with my job. it shouldnt be a problem by then. i must really thank lord god for giving me this chance. a chance to do well for my future and a chance for me to make my parents proud of me. ha.

i gotta spend my this months' pay on office wear already. i seriously have no office wear. AT ALL! wonder how i'll look like in office wear. ha. but how to get so many office wear.... my pay wont be enough becos i still got some stuffs to pay for. sigh. maybe i can psycho my father to come out abit of money for me. i hope he will. i think i just get around 3 bottoms den a few tops. at the most, i'll have to repeat my clothes for one month. work only ma.. scared what right? ha.but like funny leh. okay la, shall stop here for today.

gtg talk to my hao peng you on phone first den to bed. tatas~

i miss my sweetheart lots!

2006-10-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

i cant keep my lil husky already. sigh. mum says she's too big, bro says he has no time and actually i do agree that i have no time too. at first i thought she would do well in my home but she's too playful and big. it isnt as easy as i think. so sad! but its funny how people can change minds so easily. it was all well before she came, my bro says its okay to have a dog. now! no time?! but cant help it la. no ways for me to ask them to let queenie stay.

anyways, maybe she'll do better in other people's place. i guess. so sad la! i thought i could see her grow up. wishful thinking. she adapted to me so fast and i can see she's happy with me around.. but.. oh my! this is so freaking saddening.

i think if a small dog comes along, my mum will agree in having it. anyways, at least smaller dog can stay in their crate. my naughty queenie can just jump out from the crate.. so its more difficult. i hope we'll get a small dog to take over queenie.. cos i'll feel damn lonely.. with queenie around at least i feel a lil more occupied.

queenie's leaving me soon. i think weekends, i can say bye bye. sigh. so sad! nvm.. i'll get over it fast i hope..

gtg.

2006-10-08T11:31:00.000-07:00

rushed home straight after work jus to see my beloved queenie. i seriously bond well with my queenie. super cute la! haha. i think these few months, my blog posts will all be abt her.

but! still my sweetheart is more important then her, for now. drank quite alot today, mixed almost everything except for martell today. todays' sales is much better then any other sundays. heh. well, played pool today, won many guys. i really improved but.. still cant play in the next tournament. ): so sad right!

okay, i better go get some sleep. i falling asleep liao.

nights,
AM xoxo

2006-10-07T07:17:00.000-07:00

her eyes are white and blue. (:
not that big after all..
queenie taking her short nap. (:

2006-10-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

queenie baby, looks big but 3 months only
more photos will be up soon..

just finished settling down my new husky named queenie. super cute okay she!! 3 months only. and so fast she knows me as the owner. she knows how to give me her paw, sit and all those basic stuffs. but super playful. kept licking my face. but still, i love her! heh.

she's gonna get the best of everything. but obviously, i'm not going to pamper her too much. spent alot on her today. starting ma.. its normal i guess. she's just the cutest thing ever. she slept on me just now. took a short nap. so lovable.. heh.

didnt regret getting her anyways. but i'll have to spend a lil more on my expenses cos of this baby here. goddamn cute okay!

haha. okay. thats all for now. gotta go spend more time with queenie. tatas

2006-10-05T01:17:00.000-07:00

well, yes! i'm certainly gonna get that husky! heh. cant wait!!! pure breed, with injections for like ONLY 800 . cheap right?! ha.

gotta go work again today.. another round of tournament.. i think mine will be on next week tues. hope i'll win. heh. but makes no difference la. cos even if i win, doesnt mean i'll win the next round. think i'll have to remain calm on that day and play really seriously. (:

nothing much happened recently, been going work early these days. din take off unnecessarily. unlike last time, always taking off. that explains the slow cash flow in the past. ha. now almost the same la but abit more to spend now.

alright, i gotta go get ready for work already. might be blogging later in the night.

2006-10-03T13:48:00.000-07:00

woohoo! i won the match. heh. super happy today. i'm gonna get a husky soon. so many good things happening to me today. great! if only it can happen every single day.

my double skills in pool getting so much better. i lost the first round today but won in the end. the first round was so darn wasted. i doubled my black ball, went in but white ball went in also. so wasted! but anyways, i won! so darn happy. next match is with my in charge. i have confidence in myself. (:

had my hair dyed, but not obvious cos its like black. there's a little bit of dark red but cant see unless under sunlight den might be able to see a little. but never mind la, anyways, i'm gonna get my hair highlighted for free soon again. cos i'm still gonna be a model for my friend at toni & guy. great right! ha.(:

somehow, i feel my english is abit weird today. sounds so cheena. ha.

and for the first time, i din eat the whole freaking day. i even forgot that i haven eaten. din feel hungry either. but in the end when i got home, i ate some stuffs to fill my tummy. cos afraid i'll get gastric.

met up with my sweetheart today. so happy to see him. din bear to leave. but had to cos i was super tired. i'm glad that my feelings are getting stronger. but i dont know if its good or bad. cos i know he'll nvr belong to me. only my close friends know why. (:

okay la, i gotta end here already. wanna watch my show den get my beauty sleep.

ciaos~
AMxoxo

2006-10-02T01:28:00.000-07:00

finally, someone's out of my house. i'm glad. as in really GLAD! out of my house = out of my life. i've never hated anyone to this extent before. guess she's really too much. i'm not someone who'll hate anybody.

gotta go get ready soon. gonna be a model for toni & guy again. this time, i'll get my hair dyed. haha.

evon intro-ed me a job as a beautician. hope i can get the job. (: but the pay for the first three months damn jialat. 900 only but after i pass the 3 months, my pay wil be much higher. i'll be an idiot if i dont get into the job. hah.

alrights.i gotta go already. will be back later.

2006-09-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

well, just came back from seeing my sweetheart. (: heh. super happy today. and amazingly, today's work was fun. haha. cos today we had our 2nd match of in house tournament. din know i was playing. my boss put me on the 3rd match. gonna play with one of our friend's gf. heard she's a good player. i'm afraid i'll feel pressured on that day. hope not. (: but many people told me i'll win her. ha.

not trying to be boastful or what but i guess left handers are better players. haha. i was really shocked when my boss put me in. none of my colleagues are in. only me. heh. guess he has faith in me. (: after all he's my shi fu ma.

was happy to see him today. after 2 weeks finally i get to see him. he has no idea how much i missed him. heh. love my sweetheart. TOTALLY!

alright. i gotta go sleep already. gotta wake up at 1 tmr to complete my poster. ciaos~

AM
xoxo

2006-09-25T12:07:00.000-07:00

back to blog again. i have been going out very often lately. which is so not good cos this means i spent ALOT of money. gosh. supposed to save. went east coast park for peiying's birthday party last sun. it was kinda boring. -.- and I SPENT ALOT! sigh. but nvm, its only for a day right? ( saying this to make myself not think too much). ha. well, i still owe her a present anyway. i guess i'll get it soon. i have one thing in mind already.

ya, steph intro-ed me a course which is taking people in. courses like fashion, retail, management, nursing. alot more! still thinking which one to take and it is CHEAP! ha. they opened it for school drop-outs, like me. =x so i bet there'll be like MANY MANY "ah lians" and "ah bengs". totally a turn off, but at least i have steph to accompany me. ha. steph brought her little princess to my house this afternoon. felicity is so darn CUTE pls! whenever that little princess is around, everyone will just concentrate on her and leave steph out. haha. but not me! ha. only at times when i'm too into playing with felicity.

i'm gonna say this again, WORK IS TERRIBLY BORING, as usual! -.- my legs are at the same time killing me cos on sun i walked too much. and about slimming down, i havent done it. FOOD is the cause of it. ha. whenever i do some exercise, i'll just eat ALOT of food right after. like all my friends said, i can never slim down unless this world has run out of food. so its like IMPOSSIBLE for me to slim down. heh. but i believe i can, ONE DAY. just wait and see.

i'm gonna end this post soon. need to put my mask den get to sleep already.

i cant stand living under rules and regulations, at the same time i HATE people ordering me around. so whoever wans to try to order me, pls think twice.

and lastly, whoever has been tallking behind my back, go think about what i did for you before gossiping behind my back. i dont "kiam eng" you and i know neither do you. so if you got anything to say, say it right to my face. thanks.

gtg peeps

2006-09-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

just came back from work not long ago. ate some porridge to fill my tummy den hanged clothes. sigh. my room seems so cramped now. but the more the merrier right? actually feeling kinda uncomfy cos i dont have much space to walk. nvm, i shall change the position tmr.

i have to leave my house early tmr. gotta go be a hair model for my friend and toni and guy. gosh. goddamn early pls! but i cant put her on aeroplane what. heh. but i'm seriously tired. still considering if i wanna go.. i think i must. today's my off day. GREAT! will be going to east coast in the night for friends' birthday. bbq food! woohoo. i'm gonna gain so much freaking weight. haha.

today work was terribly boring. or can i say not today but everyday! okay. i think i shall stop here for now. i need to go get some rest. goddamn tired. -.-
nights people(morning i mean). ha

2006-09-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

been in very bad mood these days. sigh. i guess its cos of the things happening ard me. nobody to talk to about my r/s probs. the people around me now dont seem to understand me. i hate this feeling. makes me feel like i'm living in my own world. one reason why i wanna stay in this pub i'm working at now is becos i feel the people there can understand me better. been throwing my temper these days. maybe cos i din get much sleep or just things thats happening around me.

sigh. today i din smile nor laugh the whole day. maybe smiled for a while den back to my long face. the only thing that made me smile was steph's baby, felicity, she's just the most adorable thing i've ever seen. gosh. makes me feel like giving birth to one. ! ha. but the burden is heavy.

went to ambrose funeral on monday, tues and weds, saw many of my friends. and poor steph cried her eyes out. sigh. it happened to quick and too sudden. i was afraid steph couldnt take it so i accompanied her all the way from tues.
R.I.P- ambrose yeo changwen

was supposed to meet someone on weds but i had to accompany steph. i had no choice cos in my list now, my friends come first. unless i get married la.. sigh.

okay. i think i'll just end here for now. feeling very down and moody now. =(

AM
xoxo

2006-09-16T04:22:00.000-07:00

finally, i have the time to blog.. well, decided to change my blog cos i wanna start a new life. the past blog has too many old memories. ha. wont be blogging so often these few days. will be very busy working my life away. and today i'm sure to be late for work. cos i'm supposed to work at 8. so darn tired working so many days. but happier these way cos i know everyday i'll be earning more cash.

i seriously need to go on a shopping spree. need to change my wardrobe. so darn tired now. but still need to work. =/ think i shall continue tonight. i gotta go get ready already. tata peeps.

2006-09-16T03:31:00.000-07:00

new lifestyle, new blog. (: